Give Up and Let It Go

I frequently frame things that happen in my life in song lyrics. And these past few months we've have seen a lot happening around here. The short version goes like this:

Our middle-size boy, who has Asperger's syndrome and a mood disorder, has had 3 inpatient hospitalizations far from home since September (and is still not home). I lost my biggest contract as a part of a huge reorganization layoff right before Thanksgiving.  We've been battling the school department to get appropriate accommodations for said middle-size boy and then, a week ago, my husband got laid off.

So, big stuff.  The lyrics that should spring to mind are probably Toad the Wet Sprocket's  Something's Always Wrong, but they're not. 

Instead, I keep hearing Francis Dunnery's  Give Up and Let It Go. The whole phrase is:

Give up and let it go, give up and let your life flow.

If you've never heard Francis Dunnery, you're missing out not only on some really wonderful music that tells masterful stories, but also on a man who tells masterful stories. I've been to two of his house concerts  at which I've had the pleasure of not only hearing Francis tell some hilarious stories, but also to speak with him afterwards about some really fascinating, thought-provoking and, again, hilarious things

Case in point: I have a great photo of  Francis, me and my husband which Mr. Dunnery captioned "Two Catholics and a Jew." Sounds a little off, but it was a great follow-up to a conversation about why Catholic men feel so at home dating and marrying Jewish women. But I digress...

Give up and let it go. Right.

Well, here's the thing:

I miss my son. I worry about what happens when comes home. Will he be happy? Will he fall apart again once he returns to school? Will everybody else see the really offbeat, fascinating, funny kid he is underneath his anxieties?

I truly don't know how we're going to pay our bills. For the first time in many years, we just don't know. The expenses associated with the hospitalizations and traveling accompanied with two layoffs have us flattened.

But those aren't the real thing.

The real thing is that I'm tired of being sad and angry and worried and panicked and all of those other emotions that have overtaken me in the past six months.

I miss my son and I don't know how we're going to pay our bills, but all the negative emotions in the world won't change that. They're changing me, though, and I don't recognize myself anymore. But when I woke up the other day, Francis Dunnery was in my head.

I think it's time to give up and let it go, give up and let my life flow. Tomorrow I'll tell you how I'll get by With a Little Help From My Friends.