Is Happiness Overrated?

It's become almost a cultural mantra. Ask parents what they want for their children and the answer is almost universally the same: I just want them to be happy. For most of us it begins even before our children are born. How many times have you heard expectant parents say they don't care whether the baby is a boy or a girl as long as it's happy and healthy? Hoping for a healthy child is reasonable but some experts say you should re-think your pledge for your child's total happiness. Apparently, it's overrated.

Is happiness harmful? It seems ridiculous to consider the idea. After all, none of us want our children to struggle with friendships or have to deal with the other difficulties of life. Isn't it our job to make sure they don't have to deal with these troublesome things?

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Lost on the Playground: Dealing With "Queen Bee"

The kids race off, chasing dandelion fluff and each other, while I stand in the middle of the playground. Backpack slung over one shoulder, water bottle dangling from my hand, I'm confused, squinting in the sunlight, not quite sure where to go. The trouble is I don't really fit in. I try, but my timing is always a little off, my interests not the same, my clothes not exactly right.

Yeah, I hear you when you say you've heard it before, that you know the story. Find your niche, you advise. You don't have to be like the others, it will be okay, you're aching to say in reassurance. Everybody has a hard time finding their place, but in the end we all find a group of friends to chase dandelion fluff with, you tell me with a knowing smile.

It's all great advice. Hackneyed and a little clichéd, perhaps, but great advice nonetheless. For a kid. But I'm not a kid. I'm thirty-four years old. The backpack slung over my shoulder was shoved at me by my six-year-old as he ran off to play Star Wars with his friends. The water bottle is his. The social awkwardness? That's all mine.

I'm not the only mother on the playground, of course. There's a cluster here and a cluster there, all literally circled around the Queen Bee. We all know the Queen Bee, right? She's a little older than the impressionable first-time mothers and uses that to her advantage. She's dressed in expensive casual and her make-up is just so. She knows everybody's name (well, at least the names worth knowing) and all the children's names. They spill from her lips drenched in the lightest taste of gossip and Knowledge with a capital K, so that the worker bees know she's paying attention. After all, that's important, isn't it? If the Queen doesn't know what's going on with your child, how will you ever stop circling the hive?

It's amazes me that ten, fifteen, twenty years out of high school people are still playing the silly little clique game. At this point, though, it's beyond silly--it's almost dangerous. What are those kids learning? That it's okay to exclude people who don't live up to your standards. That it's fine to make others feel left out. That there are some people more worthy of your attention.


Well, Queen Bee, I say "Check out the precedent you are setting and buzz off!"

To Vaccinate or Not to Vaccinate?

If you think the only question being argued is "to vaccinate or not to vaccinate," you're mistaken. In fact, there are a number of questions being raised; those about a parent's right to choose what's right for her child, those about informed consent and those about the ethics of government-mandated vaccination programs.

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